Phyllis Klein's Blog - Page 4 of 4

About women and trees, and put-downs

Posted on January 30, 2012 by Phyllis KleinDecember 11, 2014

A magic tree

Here is a way women are put down:
“She has the right to change her mind.” This means she is fickle, a tease, wishy-washy, not to be taken seriously.

A tree is just a tree. It gets to be itself and grow how it needs to. It gets to change its mind and grow towards the light without being humiliated or criticized into conformity or submission. Women are like trees. We are strong and rooted in connection to others and to family, especially children. We are compassionate and can offer shade and beauty to those around us. We are nurtured by emotionally by the people and beauty around us.

If you are feeling low, lonely, depressed, or anxious, if you have suffered a trauma and feel like a tree has just fallen on top of you, try to think about the ways trees can be soothing for you. I have written several blogs about trees and poetry about trees. This is a blog about women and trees. You may have childhood memories of playing under or climbing into a tree. You may like to read next to the trunk of a tree in the park or in your yard. There may be a tree like a canopy that sits outside a window in your home. Even a picture of a tree can be soothing.

What are ways to respond if someone intimates that you are fickle, a tease, wishy-washy, or not to be taken seriously?

Ask yourself if this is really true about you. If it is, then you may want to take the opportunity to look into yourself through therapy or other self-growth opportunities. It is all to easy to succumb to a stereotype, or to believe that you need to fit in to what others think is the way to be.
If this is not true about you, then ask yourself if the other person’s opinion of you is really that important. As women we tend to care a lot about what other people think. But you don’t have to take criticism personally no matter what. The person who is dishing the criticism out is the one with a problem.
Respond without defensiveness. This may not be so easy to do. Take a deep breath. Sometimes you can simply say , “ouch, that hurt. Did you really mean to hurt me?” A response like this can sometimes diffuse the situation.
If it is okay, turn the comment into something fun. Getting to laugh is a great way to diffuse a put down.
Don’t spend hours thinking about what you could have said or what you want to say next time. Sometimes writing your feelings in a journal or poem can help you come up with a great idea to use in the future.

My hope is for you to feel your girl-power! I know you can do it!

Photo from Photobucket

When hope is called for

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Phyllis KleinDecember 11, 2014

What gives you hope, lifts up your mood? In the wintertime, when it’s darker and viruses haunt the hallways, it is important to find hope and light. Yesterday it rained in the SF Bay Area for the first time in a couple of months. Usually the storm gate opens in December, and the rainstorms pile up like traffic at metering lights on the freeway. But this year it’s been nothing but sunny and dry. All talk last week was about the rain expected on Wednesday. It finally came on Friday. Usually by now we are dreaming of beaches in Hawaii, watching the creeks and rivers for signs of high water. But this year, the rain brought relief and hope. Some things about nature seem so simple that we want to take them for granted. Nature may be trying to teach us something about life!

Now there will be snow for skiing, and at least a little water for the trees and plants that need it. By next month the rains may have saturated our spirits until we are begging for relief. I hope that’s what happens.

What gives you hope, lifts up your mood? What do you hope for?

New Year Intentions

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Phyllis KleinNovember 17, 2015

Let’s Make a Beautiful World-Happy New Year!

“The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” This wonderful message comes from a Brush Dance Calendar called “Flower Silhouettes” that I just purchased for the new year. The words were written by Liz Kalloch.

In thinking about the new year ahead, what acts of generosity and meaning might you want to set as an intention? This could include writing a poem for someone you love or admire, giving a “random act of kindness” gift–something no one expects and is spontaneous in the moment for someone you know or for a stranger. A common example of this is to pay for a bridge toll for the car(s) coming next. Or to make an unexpected gift for your lover or friend.

Are there people in your life you have been meaning to visit or communicate with? If you haven’t done it, is this a good time to make the time to do it?

And how do we put new year intentions into action? Resolutions often peter out quickly, leaving guilt and remorse. Try starting small and seeing if you can follow through. If not, go smaller without giving up.

Another quote from the calendar to close:
“Look deep into nature, and then/you will understand everything better.” Is this activity on your list of intentions for the new year?

Finding time with Nature

Posted on December 9, 2011 by Phyllis KleinDecember 11, 2014

If you would be a poet, go often among trees…
This is the title and first line from a poem by Timothy Walsh in Tree Magic, Nature’s Antennas. During this time of cold weather and more darkness, it is even more important to find time with nature. Here in the Bay Area there are infinite numbers of places to visit. I recently heard about a park in the SF Tenderloin district called the Tenderloin National Forest located in Cohen Alley off Ellis Street in the San Francisco Tenderloin. This is an oasis amidst traffic, grime, poverty, and humanity. I hope to get there soon with
a notebook and pen ready to go. It’s helpful to try to find time during any busy season, for writing, meditation, and reflection. Let me know where you find refuge in nature.

Tree gifting

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Phyllis KleinDecember 11, 2014

Tree gifting Send a tree to all your friends for a canopy of birch, poplar, or cedar leaves to spread humanity around us.

He who plants a tree plants hope–Lucy Larcom I found a wonderful book available free online called Tree Magic, edited by Jackie Hofer. http://www.sunshinepress.com/tmagic.pdf In the preface, she says that research has shown trees to have therapeutic value in our lives. Apparently people driving past green space on their way to work perform better during the day. People in hospitals do better when they can see green out of their window. Neighborhoods are safer and neighbors get along better when trees grow in the area. Rob Rossell, in his blog post Giving the Gift of a Tree, on Into the Bardo tells about how he was declared an “environmental hero” by sending trees as gifts for the holidays. He explains how to do it: You buy a virtual tree (each tree costs only a dollar) from Mokugift and/or send one to a friend as a gift, and a real tree will be planted in various part of the world where trees will do the most good in fighting global warming and reversing environmental degradation. Rob had 134 trees planted through his gifts and the inspiration of 97 others who passed the gift on to their friends. Would you like to join in? Update: Moku gift has closed, but you can still buy trees to be planted internationally from Sustainable Harvest.

What makes writing healing?

Posted on October 26, 2011 by Phyllis KleinNovember 20, 2014

I just Googled writing for healing and found all sorts of interesting websites such as One year of Writing and Healing. I really like this web site! There are great ideas for using writing as a practice for healing and a calendar to take you through the year. The webmistress and author, Diane Morrow, is a former physician, now English teacher. And she has a great list of poems for healing including authors such as Mary Oliver, Marie Howe, Rumi, and Adrienne Rich. Seeing Marie Howe’s name reminds me that Terry Gross just interviewed her on “Fresh Air” radio show on NPR–a very lovely interview.
Wandering through this rich website I also came across another interesting place, Grief, loss, and recovery.com
Here are some interesting titles like “How can grief be good when you are grieving?” “Eight ways to let go”, and many many grief poems.
Getting back to my question about what makes writing healing, I think an important element in the mix is getting what is inside of you out and down on paper or on a computer screen. Once you have words on some form of a page, they can be put away, read out loud, sent to others, or saved to be read later. Whatever you decide to do with your writing, the page can become your safe container that holds whatever you need to say just like a safe with a combination lock holds valuables.

Writing for healing grief

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Phyllis KleinNovember 20, 2014

Perie Longo, a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered poetry therapist in Santa Barbara wrote poems about her husband Phil’s struggle with leukemia. After he died, Perie’s poems were published in the book,
With Nothing Behind but sky: a journey through grief. I chose to include the following poem in this blog (with permission from the author) because I have read it many many times and it is still new and profound to me.
I think that writing poetry is a very powerful tool in working with grief. The last stanza of this poem points to the ways that a poem can lead us towards wisdom and truth in the midst of heartbreak.

While Watching A Video of the Dalai Lama

Everything I see or hear is about him
since he has been gone.
This morning, the Dalai Lama
says there is so much suffering
in the world he can’t do much.

With his monks he sifts colored sand
into an intricate design for peace,
then sweeps it away. They collect
the remains in a small jar, sprinkle a little
on top of their heads for tranquility.

While I held my husband in my hands
as ash, like finest sand,
all the hard edges of us disappeared
with the smoke. I rubbed him on my skin

then flew him into light.

Such tragedy! how it takes death
to put everything in its right place,
how it takes death to perfect a life.

Perie Longo 8/01