Welcome to my blog, designed for posting on topics related to my therapy practice. I also write for another website, Women’s Therapy Services and you will find some links from this blog to the Women’s Therapy Services blog.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy/find these writings useful, and please leave comments.
Worried? Image Source
Are you feeling afraid about things that you can’t control? Whether your worry is about war, terrorism, the health and safety of others, financial stability, or your own health and safety, the future is unknowable. Sometimes we predict the future based on the past. So if you have had a difficult past, you may be more likely to worry about the future. This blog will address using EMDR with worry and fear. (EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
What are the ways you have to feel safe in your daily life? Are you having trouble sleeping? Sleep is a time when your defenses are down, so the intrusion of worry, fear, or nightmares, can be common during times of uncertainty, loss, or stress. Are you having trouble controlling your appetite or do you find yourself skipping meals? Are self harming—attempted self soothing behaviors showing up for you, such as drinking more, spending more, working too many hours, etc.?
Are you connected with social support form friends, relatives, spouse or partner? Or are you feeling isolated or rejected socially?
Are you part of a minority group feeling fear about what you read in the news, on social media, and what you experience in your daily life? Are you a woman feeling fear about your and your children’s futures? Are you in an unhappy relationship but afraid to leave?
Using EMDR with worry and fear:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) won’t change what’s going on outside, but it can be helpful to calm fears and doubts you may be carrying around on the inside. If you have experienced prejudice, harassment, sexual assault, accidents, or acute or chronic illness, you may be carrying around unresolved feelings of fear. You may re-experience these traumatic events in the present to the extent that they feel like they are happening all over again. This could include nightmares, low self esteem, depression, fear of people, irritability, and even physical manifestations like getting colds more often, or allergies and sensitivities.
An important part of EMDR therapy is to help you feel more grounded, connected to positive images and feelings, and to know what to do if you feel overwhelmed physically or emotionally.
The processing part of EMDR works by helping you process through the traumatic experiences using eye movements, buzzers you hold in your hands, or sounds. Something about stimulating the two sides of your body helps you manage the memories and reduces the amount of distress they cause you. Once the traumatic experiences have been processed so that they do not bother you in the present, the next step is to help you find more positive ways to feel about yourself and to clear remnants and memories of trauma from your body.
EMDR can be really helpful in developing self confidence and assertiveness skills. When you are enhancing safety and positive feelings in yourself, it is possible to feel more entitled to stand up for yourself in the world and to feel you have a right to your voice and your feelings.
How you use EMDR on your healing path is evaluated by you and your therapist. By developing a relationship that feels secure, you can collaborate on how to approach the worries, fears, concerns, and hurts you want to address.
Even though certain things may be outside of your control, inner wisdom and resources can help you find the right path to feel as safe as you can in our unpredictable world. And feeling less alone, more connected, is an important first step in coping with trauma.
Psychotherapy (Image source)
Here is a list of reasons to start psychotherapy. It is not exhaustive and does not guarantee that you will be able to “fix” all the things that are bothering you. Is there a way that you can connect with the part of you that wants to hang in there and work hard to feel better? And is there a way to see the bigger picture, and how solving one problem could lead to solving others?
1. You’re struggling and white knuckling through a loss, or a depression. Your friends have done as much as they can do to be supportive and now they try to give you advice that doesn’t work. Or you have stopped talking because you don’t want to burden anyone. Isolation at a time of loss, heartbreak, or depression is not helpful. You’ve had therapy before and are feeling bad that you are still suffering so you question whether it would help to start psychotherapy again. It’s a good time to consult even by phone to see if that helps you feel any better. Sometimes taking a simple action can shift your mood and give you more hope.
2. Your anxiety has gotten worse. Maybe you know why and maybe you can’t quite figure it out. You’re having trouble sleeping and under or overeating. Yoga or meditation feels overwhelming. And you don’t want to get started on drugs that could be addictive. There are other kinds of therapy besides talk therapy that could be helpful. These include but are not limited to art therapy, music therapy, somatic therapy, (using the body to heal), Trauma processing therapies such as EMDR, and more.
3. You’ve had a recent or past trauma that is getting triggered more lately. You find yourself getting angry and feeling scared or having nightmares and feelings of dread. It can be very helpful to get help sooner than later. Sometimes a recent trauma can bring up traumas from the past, but sometimes a recent trauma can be healed in a short amount of time.
4. You have heard about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for processing trauma and have been curious but unsure about trying it. You may have friends who have had really good results with this type of therapy. Or you may have seen it online.
5. You tried coaching but weren’t able to follow through on the action items you set up together. Sometimes having a goal is not the same as being able to move forward through what is blocking you. It is important to keep trying different ways of getting help. If you feel ashamed of yourself, this is even more reason to try psychotherapy. Shame is an emotion that heals through naming and understanding it, rather than hiding it in the shadows, where it likes to go.
6. You’re still trying to figure out how to like yourself more. We hear a lot about how to improve self esteem. Sometimes it’s not as easy as it sounds on paper.
7. You want to think about why everyone who knows you says you have a drinking/drug problem. Denial is a hard defense to break through but certainly a good idea to avoid many of the negative consequences of an alcohol or drug problem.
8. You have decided you have a drinking/drug problem and want to figure out how to stop or how to stay stopped. Support groups are wonderful but many people don’t feel they are enough to help them with self harming behavior or underlying trauma that has been behind the drug usage.
9. You have a complicated history and want help but have found it hard to find the right resources. It’s important to find the right fit between you and your therapist. Some need strong support while others need a much more gentle approach. Some want homework and others need to go at their own pace. Your therapist needs to be able to explain why she is working with you the way she is. And you have a right to ask lots of questions.
10. Your circumstances have changed and you have insurance or other resources that make therapy possible now. Even though many therapists are out of network, there are still reimbursements to be had. And if this is a time of better financial fortune, it’s a good investment in yourself. In addition, there are many low fee options especially in large cities, so don’t give up looking even if your bank account is stretched thin. You can find a way to start psychotherapy even if the resources are not readily apparent.
Please Contact me, or call 415-273-1036 with questions or comments, or comment below.
Thanks for reading and best wishes for healing in 2017!
EMDR is a powerful tool to help you overcome trauma, post-traumatic stress, anxiety, difficult or disturbing memories, and many other emotional problems. It was discovered recently in 1987, when the originator, Dr. Francine Shapiro was out walking and noticed that her anxiety was improved after she moved her eyes back and forth while observing her surroundings.
EMDR works by using what’s called bilateral stimulation which is right to left eye movements or tactile stimulation to help both sides of the brain release emotional experiences that may be trapped in the nervous system. Something in the eye movements helps to process the disturbing material and bring in more peace and comfort. When there is trauma present in your experience, the brain may not process information in its usual way. Sometimes the upset can become frozen and might be re-experienced as if the upsetting event is happening now. After an EMDR session the difficult and upsetting sensations are no longer triggered. What was very upsetting is less upsetting and you can move on. EMDR has been compared to REM sleep, when the brain is processing through dreams.
There are eight phases of treatment and depending on what you have been through and what you are trying to solve, these stages can be used for shorter or longer periods of time. As an example, the preparation phase is used to help you feel ready for processing the past. Also called Resource Development, it can be extremely helpful in promoting grounding and giving you skills and tools to deal with difficult feelings and behaviors. It can also help you feel more confidence, feel more cared about, and more safety in the world.
I am very inspired to be trained in EMDR. As a seasoned therapist, this technique is helping me revitalize my ability to be helpful, and giving me new insights into what you might need in your therapy to promote the most amount of healing for you.
As knowledge grows, there are more creative techniques using bilateral stimulation becoming available for specific types of problems. These include addictions, phobias, grief, recent traumatic events, and many more. It is wonderful for me to see the possibilities for healing opening up and expanding. Learning and growing continues on!
Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have about EMDR in psychotherapy. Also, visit the EMDRIA website for a wealth of information about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
First there is the pressure to get married, the relationships that don’t work out, the ups and downs of dating, the disappointments and learning experiences. Then you meet the man who could be “the one”. From there, it could be fast or slow. Or he might move on. Ok, it isn’t easy. And then you find yourself engaged!
So here you are planning a wedding. You may feel relaxed and happy, ready to face the challenges with energy and lots of support. On the other hand, you may be pretty stressed out and feeling the opposite of the way you expected you would.
Here are some common areas of wedding stress:
There can seem to be thousands of ways for things to go wrong! Getting married as happy a time as it is, can also be very stressful. The fact is that stress can come from positive changes as well as difficult or upsetting changes.
Coping with wedding stress–Some ideas to get you through.
Take time to think through and reflect on what you want.
As busy as it is, this is a time to try to reflect on what you want and what is important to you. This can develop through time alone or talking with friends and family. If you need more support, this is a good time to reach out and get it.
Work on your communication skills.
It is really easy to make assumptions and misread what others are saying when you are under stress. Collaboration and compromise are really important parts of your relationship that you can foster during this time. Anger management, fostering positive thinking, and problem solving skills can help tremendously. Knowing when to be assertive and when to back off are skills you can develop or deepen. You have heard many times the statement “pick your battles” and as trite as it may sound, there is wisdom in this idea.
Find ways to put things in perspective.
Try to think about how you will feel looking back on this moment 5 years from now. Will the thing that feels ultra important really matter that much to you? Cultivate your sense of humor. Find ways to laugh at the challenges and even at yourself as long as you aren’t making fun of yourself.
Find quality time for you and your partner.
Yes, you may both be working full time and planning the wedding, etc. is taking up every free moment outside of work. Perhaps you can make a ritual of talking about how your day went over dinner, or before bed.
Self care is important!
Notice the ways you may not be coping with stress in the best way, such as over drinking, overeating, going to bed too late, etc. If you have an exercise routine, that can be a very helpful way to cope with stress and take care of yourself. Other self soothing activities can include a few yoga poses before bed, getting a massage, breathing and grounding techniques.
Seek help if you are feeling overwhelmed.
I have seen many women in my therapy office trying to cope with wedding stress. Sometimes even just a few meetings can help you talk through painful and challenging situations that can arise. Sometimes individual therapy can lead to couples therapy, a really good way to start marriage off with care and attention to feelings, needs, and communication skills. Sometimes couples feel getting therapy so early on is a sign of weakness. But actually, it’s really the opposite. Marriage is a huge learning experience and guidance can really help set you on a good course early on.
Good luck and congratulations!
Divorce (Image Source)
Divorce is a change that is often accompanied by great life upheaval. Sometimes it is mutual, but more often one person wants to leave, may be hurting and guilty, while the other is getting deeply hurt. When you are married, you have become part of a family and this can be a deep connection that is very painful to break.
Here are some ideas for how to cope:
This is an incomplete list, just a beginning on this difficult life transition. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments and thanks for reading. Help is available, you are not alone.
Dieting (Image Source)
Going on a diet can be like jumping into an addiction. You start off eager and bright eyed, food scale, and body scale at your side, ready to be a “good” eater, give up “junk” food, feel the clean glow of hunger. You’re starting back to the gym, feel pounds coming off, feel better and healthier, feel just so good about what you are doing. When does it start to go wrong? Your focus on weight loss doesn’t take into account that there is so much more to who you are than numbers on a scale. It is so easy to get discouraged, hit a plateau, start craving. Since dieting doesn’t teach you about how to eat on your own, it is very hard to learn how to be flexible with food. The pull of losing weight can be as strong as an opiate.
It’s really confusing. There are so many people including doctors and many nutritionists, who tell you to focus on losing weight. As soon as you do, it can lead to the behaviors and feelings that may cause you a problem. Maybe this is because a lot of people, even professionals do not understand eating disorders. Often, when you are engaged in obsessive or self harming behavior, it is because there is hurt and distress, even trauma, in your background.
Binge eating is not a weakness or anything to do with laziness. In general, it can be caused by emotional, physical, and cognitive difficulties. In my opinion, it’s not truly an addiction because food is necessary for survival, unlike alcohol or drugs, or even sex.
What are the alternatives to dieting? You may have heard this all before and it sounds boring or wrong for you. That could be because you want to be hard on yourself and it is normal to want to avoid feeling or addressing deeper emotional pain. You may feel hatred for exercise unless you are pounding off pounds. You may not like the idea of being gentle with your body. You may not want to think about moderate eating, understanding emotional eating, or understanding binge eating.
It is so difficult to lean away from the quick fix and lean into self care, accepting where you are and making small changes in the direction of kindness and gentleness with your body. How much weight will you gain and lose as you try to focus on fixing your body? How much attention could you spend on healing your emotions and possible traumas with a focus on self acceptance and self care?
I have another blog on black and white thinking. When it comes to food and dieting, “good and bad foods” fall into this category. Most people with a history of dieting think they need to avoid “bad” foods. This is not totally inaccurate, but if you try to restrict yourself from eating foods that are comforting and delicious, it can set you up to feel irresistibly drawn towards what you want. Those fries or muffins become an obsession until you have to have them. Then, in the extreme way of thinking, you decide you have ruined the diet and so why not let it all go and start again either tomorrow or as soon as you can later.
If you have tried as many diets as you have fingers and toes, then you might be ready for another approach. Or, you may see the lack of logic in dieting and look for another way to figure out how you want to eat and move your body.
One thing to realize is that you may need help with anxiety and fear of food. You may also need help to counteract the terribly prejudiced ideas and actions of others in relation to your body. You may also need help to avoid the shame of going to the doctor and being told to lose weight, then handed a piece of paper or a booklet on dieting.
It may seem like the whole world thinks restricting food and eating what someone else tells you to eat in the quantity they tell to you is a good idea. Of course you need to learn more about how to set limits on how much you eat, and how to discern when you are hungry and full. Those are not easy endeavors, but in the long run, will serve to help your body and your self esteem. And of course you may have great fear of “fattening” foods. You may have a disease that causes you to need to restrict sugar or gluten. Eating can be a complicated business. I hope you will give yourself a chance to learn and grow in your relationship to food and your body.
If you find yourself relating to what I’m writing about you may want to:
1. Seek therapy from someone who uses a health at every size approach.
2. Consider a nutritionist who has a similar philosophy.
3. Consider medication for depression and or anxiety. Consider evaluation for ADHD.
4. Find support from people in person or online who share the same views.
5. Read this article about binge eating disorder for more information and support.
As with so many problems, it’s really helpful to know you are not alone. And you’re not!
Writing for healing (Image Source)
We already know that expressive writing can help depression, rumination, reduce cancer-related symptoms (study had people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings regarding the cancer). Writing can boost memory in college student (simply write about thoughts and feelings in coming to college).
The NYTimes blog post Writing your way to Happiness talks about how rewriting your personal story from a more hopeful perspective can help you feel better. Another idea is to write about an important topic to help you understand yourself more.
For example, if you write about why you don’t want to exercise, you may start with a number of excuses, but if you ask yourself to go deeper by starting with “the truth is” you might come to an insight that will help you get past the block.
If you want to use writing therapy to help you feel better, work through difficult experiences, or develop increased self understanding, here are some ideas to help you.
Sometimes doing things on your own is a challenge. Do you want to write more but don’t know where to start? Are you critical of your efforts? Do you have a hard time following through?
Writing and sharing with others can be extremely useful psychologically especially when there is no pressure to critique or edit your writing. I have also found that spontaneous writing from your heart can open creative channels and reduce blocks to creativity, freeing your inner critic from its harsh role.
You can use writing to help you solve a problem (as in the example above) by looking deeper into yourself for more information rather than wracking your brain for an answer. This can happen when you write directly from your own experience and also when you write from a story you have heard about or make a story up. This can allow room in yourself to let your writing take you where you need to go.
Here is an example of how to approach this way of problem solving:
Find a topic, problem, concern, or event you want to write about. This could be general, like a parent’s death, or specific, like what happened one day it the past week. It could be something you want to stop avoiding, or a behavior you want to change. It could also be something you heard someone say to you or to someone else. (eavesdropping is fine for writers!)
One way to get started is to find a writing prompt that is randomly chosen. You could open a book you like to a random page and choose a phrase. If it’s a book of poetry you could use a line of image from a poem. Give yourself 10-20 minute to write, or less if you have trouble settling in. Any amount of time is a good start. The process of centering while focusing on your writing is similar to meditation in that you can enter your inner world and look aroung to connect with what’s there. You can write a journal entry that incorporates the prompt to fit what would work for you in your writing. If you feel adventurous, write a story about another person or people that incorporates the topic you are thinking about. Let your imagination take the story wherever it wants to start and wherever it wants to go. When you are done, check in with your writing to see if you can find any hidden meaning that may have come up for you.
Writing therapy can be like a night dream or a day dream and can bring up material from your unconscious. It might be subtle at first, but clues and ideas can come from exploring your thoughts and feeling through writing in this way.
Disrespect hurts
What to do when someone disrespects you
This blog will help you understand what you can do to take care of yourself when someone is disrespecting you.
I want to address the way it is to be in the position of being disrespected, because it’s often very uncomfortable and painful. Being disrespected or worse, bullied, is very challenging. It hurts emotionally and can tempt you to feel badly about yourself.
In order to understand how to respond to disrespect you need to understand how to think about weakness.
What is “weakness”?
If a part of the body is weak in an uncomplicated way, it means that there is an injury or insult of some kind and care is needed to replenish and heal. Then strength can be regained with use and intention. If a person seems emotionally weak, it is usually for a similar reason, that an injury or hurt has been sustained, and the person needs to emotionally heal.
Complications can occur. Injuries can have layers and be resistant to healing. Patterns of behavior or life experiences can create disappointment and chronic problems.
Emotional insecurity usually comes from getting hurt by another person without being able to experience repair of the hurt. The earlier in life we get hurt, the deeper the insecurity can reach. Sometimes this creates a dynamic that causes more hurt and more hurtful experiences to occur as the person experiences life.
Weakness is not a bad thing. Everyone has hurt and disappointment to cope with. People make mistakes and can learn from them. Problems arise when weakness is judged as bad. This leads to shame which is often an underlying factor in all of human insecurity.
Some people see insecurity as something hateful and bad as i mention in the last paragraph. They seek to wipe it out in themselves and to point it out to others who may exhibit feelings, body language, or expressions of insecurity. This is because they have also been hurt badly, but have found a way to try to feel better about themselves through never showing their insecurity. This strategy doesn’t end because it doesn’t work. This is how the bully gets created. They feel the same as their target, only they try to be the opposite, by being right all the time, never questioning or doubting, and judging others who seem “weak” to them.
In childhood and adolescence the best way to confront disrespect and bullying is for adults to get involved and set limits, in essence helping both sides of the problem.
In adulthood, it is “the adult within” that needs to learn how to cope with being disrespected by someone else. How can you engage in this process?
Get support
1. The first thing that’s needed is support. It may mean getting out of the situation you are in with the other person if that’s possible, until you can handle being around them in a different way.
Support means getting confirmation that you are a worthy person, worthy of respect and compassion.
Support does not mean getting endorsement for self destructive behavior. In essence support means respect. If you haven’t felt that in your life it may be a hard thing to comprehend.
Sometimes this kind of respect is found in psychotherapy. Sometimes friends or surrogate family can offer this kind of support. Sometimes it comes from a pet or a child who loves unconditionally.
What to do next
2. Once you feel more support in your life, you can begin to decide how to stand up to disrespect in your life. This can take a number of forms including confronting the situation head on. That means standing up for yourself and gaining the respect of the other person.
Often, when you learn how to address someone in an assertive way, without anger or judgement, coming from “I” statements, the person will notice that you are not who they thought you were and will actually begin to feel respect for you.
What you need to understand is that sometimes the other person may never be able to change how they see you. This is really sad for them but they may be so stuck in their own need to protect their fragile feelings of self worth that no matter what you do they will be a lost cause. They will continue to judge you and think badly of you. (There are a very few people who are so damaged they can hurt people intentionally and never feel anything. This blog is not going to help with people who are dangerous physically or so abusive they don’t have any shred of humanity left in them. For situations like this, the only thing to do is get away and seek safety).
How can you tell if someone falls into this category? You may have tried to talk to them about the problem, and they have been relentless in clinging to their negative opinion or oppressive behavior. You may have tried to get help from another source (HR at work for example) and the person persists in their behavior. It might be an abusive parent or spouse who continues to treat you badly no matter what you do.
Sometimes there is nothing to do but walk away, accepting that the other person in not going to change and that you are better off getting away from them. And actually, even if other people don’t see that in the person, usually they will over time, and will also want to get away. If not, then your work is to accept that and know that you are doing what is right for you.
How to get away from a disrespectful or abusive situation
This is not easy to do. You may be so stuck in anger and resentment that you don’t want to give up. You may feel ashamed and feel that the only way to earn respect is to get it from the very person or people who will never be able to give it to you. You may have the feeling you have wasted a lot of time trying to make the situation work and that’s hard to walk away from.
Sometimes it’s a juggling act–figuring out what you need to feel safe, and how much you can step into the risk of confrontation with a difficult person. Sometimes it’s good to push yourself but safety and your own security and well being needs to come first. It can be helpful to have a therapist or other safe person to talk this over with.
Here are some examples of what I am discussing. These examples are meant to illustrate my points. These points and are fiction, or are disguised to protect confidentiality.
A. A husband and wife are about ready to get a divorce. The husband feels that his wife is attacking him at every turn, criticizing him mercilessly. He’s done with this dynamic. He tries to talk to his wife and surprisingly, she agrees to go to couples counseling with him. They begin to talk about what is bothering them both, and the husband is able to hear what his wife has become frustrated about. He learns how to stand up for himself when he feels she is berating him and she finds herself really liking him when he is stronger with her. She learns how to express herself before the anger takes over. There is a positive outcome.
B. One professional has decided that another professional is unsure of herself and therefore not good enough to respect professionally. The disrespecting professional displays a condescending attitude openly in a group situation with other peers.
The person feeling disrespected tries to approach the other in private, and is met with even greater disrespect and condescension. What to do? 1. Consider the situation using the “inner adult” as much as possible. A group can be a good place to confront someone directly if it is set up for that purpose. But a leaderless group that is not set up as a therapy group may not be the right place for this kind of situation and could lead to more of the same. This can happen in any work situation, where the purpose of the group is to get work done and not to help people heal emotionally. 2. Decide how to reduce the toxic nature of this relationship. Avoid the person as much as possible. Find other allies and support (without trying to turn others against the offender.) Try to change the way you think about the offender, meaning that they are not as strong as they may want others to see them. Know that others also see this person’s flaws even if you never hear it directly from anyone. Stay away from gossip which could make you look bad. Foster self enhancing activities and direct away from toxic situations. Learn how to forgive yourself for mistakes or weaknesses you perceive in yourself. Remember that the disrespecting person is also hurt. He or she is not all bad.
C. Two women at work have fallen into a negative situation. One of the women seems to be trying to get others to gossip about the other woman. It started when one of the women had a problem and the other woman thought the problem was a weakness and judged it. What to do? In this case there was a partial improvement. The manager was able to help by being supportive and firm at the same time. The critical woman was able to stop her inappropriate behavior, although the two women were not going to ever like each other. It was a relief to everyone else in the unit who had been very uncomfortable over the conflict.
In summary, the things to do when you feel disrespected are:
1. Get support and find safety.
2. Learn how to sated up for yourself by strengthening your “inner adult” and assertiveness skills.
3. Learn how to foster compassion for yourself.
4. Learn how to walk away emotionally and physically if needed.
Transformation
How writing can be transformative
You may have heard the question–can writing transform your life? What can you do with a lousy situation, a problem that is chronic, an illness, grief? Writing is something you can do when there is nothing else to do. It is an outlet that can change the nature of how you feel, moving from helplessness to having choices. Writing can cheer you up if it’s funny and can help you create new meaning out of a difficulty. It can help you express despair and anger also without hurting anyone or yourself.
Writing can help put things into perspective, provide time for contemplation and focus. For some it is a cathartic release, a way of expressing what they would never say out loud to anyone else except maybe their therapist.
Letter writing to yourself or someone else is a very healing and connecting practice. At a memorial service I attended last year, people brought in beautiful written and illustrated letters sent by the woman who had died. They served as an extremely special remembrance for her. Letters of gratitude or appreciation are very moving to send out. How often does a special doctor, nurse, friend, or relative receive an actual pen and paper letter of thanks these days? It can also be very therapeutic to write letters and/or poems to people or pets who have died.
In 6 Unexpected Ways Writing can Transform your life Amanda Chan lists the health benefits of writing. She says that expressing emotions through words may actually speed healing by helping foster the expression of emotions rather than avoiding them.
Writing is a way to work on gratitude. You can think about what you are grateful for (and things we may take for granted like having a warm breakfast or seeing beautiful scenery from the car window can qualify). Even your sleep can benefit from having a gratitude journal. And if you are into art journaling, that could be an amazing medium for a gratitude journal.
Rebecca Emrich writes books and has two blogs. She says writing gave her a sense of purpose she hadn’t had before. She found it healing to improve her writing. Writing actually gave her a reason to wake up in the morning.
She says “I am a writer. I can write about many topics and love what I do. I can focus on one book or I can write a poem or three. The choices are endless. It can change a lot of points of view.”
Writing can help you feel a sense of importance. You may realize you actually do have something to say about things you are interested in. You may find it comforting to create images and themes that are creative and beautiful and share them with others. Writing is a way to connect with others and form a community, either organized, or random.
Now is a good time to try writing! All you need is pen and paper, or a computer and keyboard. Many people find they like to actually use the old fashioned way, but there is no right or wrong.
If you live in Palo Alto or in the Bay Area you may be interested in coming to my Writing for Healing group. For more information, go to my writing for healing page, contact me through my contact form or email, therapy@phyllisklein.com, or call 415-273-1036.
I wish you good writing!
The image comes from Public Domain Pictures.
Your supplies
Nine reasons to join a writing therapy group:
Reason 1.
Some people say writing is transformative. Some people say writing has saved their lives. Discover where your writing might take you.
Reason 2.
When you write things down they get out of your system and you can share them with others. Wherever you keep your words, they are able to be stored in a container–a book, a computer, a sketch book and that helps you distance and observe yourself and your truth.
Reason 3.
You can choose a topic or event to focus on and write about. It can be something troubling or soothing, something you would like to master, or a life-cycle event. Examples are: life transitions, health problems, grief and loss, challenges from the past, future hopes and dreams. You can write about your cognitive distortions or how your body reacts to stress, a fantasy you have, or a dream you made up. The topics and possibilities are endless.
Writing from a group member:
The Poetry Room –whose presence I feel even when standing outside its door. Before I enter I feel calmer and thoughts and visions start bubbling up from a well somewhere inside me. In this room I learn that I have nothing to fear – no criticism, no ideas of different words or that I try this or that. Anything I write in this special private space is accepted with encouragement and gratitude.
The others who visit this room share their deepest thoughts, whether they be poems or stories capturing their childhood, memories of old friends or family members, often even secrets they have never before dared to mention. We all know that everything we write there is treasured and welcome in Our Writing Group.
Reason 4.
Writing is healing because self expression and creativity take you on the path of self awareness. When you are in a group and there is no critiquing, you can begin to feel supported and understood,
The group members will give you honest positive feedback and you can see your work from their eyes and with new understanding.
Reason 5.
Writing is a way of getting to know yourself, what you think about, your dreams, your ideas. Writing is truthful, serious, whimsical and fanciful and much more.
Reason 6.
If you let yourself go, words will appear on your page and make sense to you even if you don’t know where they came from. This is an exercise in letting go and accepting what comes. You don’t have to try to find your voice–it is waiting to be released.
Writing from a group member:
Last night from my bed I stared out through the large open window…This is always a time of day I look forward to. It’s the time that in August tells me my workday is over and I can pull out my journal from the narrow middle drawer of my desk and finally write my soul on the pages.
I never knew writing could be such a friend to me and I often find myself resisting even just the idea of picking up a pen and devoting a half and hour to the working of my mind. The times that my soul decides to come out and play and reveal itself are the truly magical ones, they keep me going, showing up for more. I create the space for it to show up, I never know whether it will.
I can quietly coax it out with a friendly invitation extending my arm and open hand, but looking the other way. Maybe a butterfly will gently flutter around and decide to rest on my hand. Ever so softly I might be aware of its presence. I might not, however, if I am too busy grasping, pulling, pushing, making something happen.
Reason 7.
Writing can tap into your unconscious, like a dream. Whether you write about something that happened to you or make up a story about fictional characters, there are pieces of yourself in the writing waiting to be discovered.
Reason 8.
Writing without a roadmap or plan can help you feel free and unencumbered.
Reason 9.
Writing only requires a pen, pencil, and paper and your heart. No other supplies needed.
I hope you are interested in joining a writing for healing group. For more information and to join this group, contact Phyllis Klein, LCSW, at therapy@phyllisklein.com or 415-273-1036.
Photograph from Public Domain Pictures by Elisa Xyz